Things to Wrestle With

I've been thinking a lot lately about majors in accordance with my interests. How sometimes you don't have to pick a major in the direct field with your ultimate profession. For example if you want to be a journalist you don't necessarily have to major in some form of journalism but philosophy instead let's say. You can choose a major in other areas of study to broaden your knowledge of the world. It's been particularly frustrating for me because I want to do everything. A side of me wants to pursue my passions in life. I love history and studying cultures and discovering ways to become a healthier individual through nutrition. The other side of me is more practical and perhaps should pursue a certificate in something like paralegal studies. It takes less schooling, you earn money faster, and I have background working at a law firm already. Is it so out there to want all of these things? What if you just continue study for your entire life? Or just until you've satisfied your taste for the things you love. Maybe I'm alone on this, but isn't learning an extraordinary enough goal to achieve? Some of the greats were mathematicians and philosophers. They spent their entire lives in study. Were they not legends because of their wondrous amounts of knowledge? Do we have to always want more material things to be happy with our status? And plot away to make that happen faster and more beneficially. My heart tells me no but my mind tells me yes. Just some things to wrestle with.

Hello. My Name is Jessica. And I'm a Blogoholic.

I neglected to sort of introduce myself to the blog. My name is Jessica and I'm a 21 year old newbie bookkeeper/student. I've been going to school since I got out of High School in 2005 on and off but mostly off. I went through this period where I was really trying to find myself and what I wanted to do and how I wanted to get there. I have always wanted to graduate from a University since I was young. That was always a goal for me. I hoped afterwards that I would fall in love and maybe have kids. The stereotypical life that many people strive for. I still truly want that but I've discovered that life doesn't adhere to your plans. My series of life events have been more like a series of tripping and falling and then picking myself up again. When I first got out of high school my heart longed for an education but not more than I craved experience. So, out I went to Portland and then to LA for awhile. I met a variety of interesting, crazy people that I totally adored. Then it was time to go back home. I'm the type of person who throws herself into life... unfortunately sometimes it isn't preplanned before I hurl myself to the wolves. Nevertheless that's what I did when i got home. The first order of business was that I fell in love with a wonderful man that I have been with for just over a year. He has helped me see my potential and shown me new aspects of myself that I didn't realize I had. Then I went back to work. Tossed around a few jobs and finally ended up where I am now. Trying to help organize a new business. Lastly I am making a bigger trail in my educational career. I want to be some kind of writer someday. It's not exactly the most practical of career choices so I'm hoping to weave nutritional studies in as well. So, we will see how that goes. Anyway, that's me in a segment.

Of Onions And Expectations.

I was talking tonight at length with my boyfriend, like we frequently do. It seems we can never get what we need to say out in tiny bits, it's always in an exhausting 3 hour conversation. No matter the subject it's all or nothing. Tonight the topic was expectations. I was arguing that if you have no expectations for anything that meant that you may settle for anything. He was going on to say that if you expect too much you will eventually get disappointed. I thought about this and had to agree in certain situations yeah, that can definitely be true. Countless times of disappointment have been experienced by myself many that I know. But if you expect the best can't you get it in return? If you are at McDonald's down the street and you pull up to the drive through and order a burger without onions and they give you a pile of onions what do you do? Well you can A. Freak out on the poor kids at the other end of the drive through, announcing that this is NOT what you ordered, taking the risk of a giant spitball making it's way onto your food. Or B. Reason that McDonald's isn't exactly gourmet food and scrape the onions off later. So, yeah you don't want to get walked on but you also have to reason out your expectations to what your dealing with. On the other side of things not pertaining to direct action but thought itself can make a significant difference in your outcome as well. My previous post was about my Math test coming up. At first my expectations were pretty low. I wasn't thinking very positively because of my past experience with Math. I found however, that as I received more assistance with the problems I was frustrated with, I began to feel better and better. It's like two rice bowls. One is filled with negativity and the other positive. After each correctly executed problem a grain was transferred from the negative the positive dish. As a result of this my score on the test was in the higher range because my expectations were there. I wonder, if positive thinking can sway to such positive results, perhaps our thoughts are more powerful than we initially perceive.

One Of Those Days.

Today was one of those days. I dismissed my alarm clock, causing me to jump out of bed like a mad woman and rush to turn the shower on. Dang it! I have a Math test today that I am not prepared for. Thank goodness for the tutoring center or I'd be pulverized mercilessly. My brakes sound like a thousand mice squeaking in unison as I pull up into the RCC parking lot. "I really have to get those brakes checked," I mull over to myself. Reaching some semblance of
composure I cross the street and open the double doors to G building. It's morning rush (wait isn't it always morning rush no matter what time I drop in?) and 20 people are waiting in line to get their caffeine fix. I quickly cross the threshold of the tutoring center and sit down to study for a good 2 hours before my test. Math is definitely not my strong subject, and I ask one of the tutors a few "no derr" questions. He thoughtfully answers them as if they are straight from the Calculus textbook. I glance over to find the European tutor (can't pinpoint what country exactly) grinning like she always does. Anytime she has helped me I find her optimism and lively spirit contagious. Success finds me as I finish my practice exam. Then looking in the
back of the book, I realize I got every question right! Hey maybe this isn't so hard. The clock on my black Samsung cell phone tells me it's ten til 2 and my class is about to start. I head out feeling relieved and confident. It's amazing how serious study and what I call my freak out drive can do for my ability to understand a subject, or at least a section in my Math book.